Why I’m always in hot water with the Pastor~ edit

I’m not exactly sure why he is taking out his ire on me, but this is my supposition: my Ace is making his First Communion this year, last fall a friend of mine asked me if I would help out with planning and doing the craft portion of the program….I jumped at the chance. What the pastor has been doing is very outdated, boring and way over the kids heads, especially for any child who may have special needs like my kids do…..so I approached the head of parish education aka: Rachel who is a teacher with an SPD child like my Ace, and mentioned my concerns about what he has been doing for the 8 years he has been here. I found a different program and asked Rachel to check it out, well the pastor hated it, but Rachel and I refused to back down totally and got him to agree to makes some changes. However, during this time frame he mentioned to me in passing “that I was the only one who thought his program was boring and outdated….” This is not true, we as a board asked 4 or 5 other parents what they thought and they all agreed that it was not kid-friendly, boring and outdated *is this starting to sound familiar? He refuses to acknowledge that there are other parents that feel the same way I do and I refuse to tell him who they are because of the horrid treatment that I have received from him. I don’t want him to do that to the other parents, *which I think pisses him off* He has admitted to having a bad temper and losing it. I believe that he is vindictive as well considering his treatment of me and my son.
Fast forward to last night’s lenten meal. I was in charge, I have sent numerous emails to his wife and she never replied to any of them. I had no idea that they were bringing anything or if we were getting any help. They get there about 5:40pm carrying a throwaway foil pan, I asked “oh, is this a desert item?” No it is venison sausage, “ok” I take it and put it on the table with the other food and go about my business getting things set up. They go sit down at a table and their son Micah starts to help out. Even at that point I didn’t realize that Micah would be getting a portion of the funds earned last night. about 5 minutes later, I have 3 maybe 4 workers complaining that we weren’t ready and that it wasn’t 6pm yet so, the people lining up had to wait. Well, Doug’s wife came over and shouted into the kitchen at me “The bell choir needs to eat!!!” my reply was “Well, then someone should have informed me about it” and I walked away. Well, as per her usual, she ran to her husband and said something, because the very next time I walked out the kitchen I got a couple dirty looks from him. What made it worse was that everyone in the kitchen heard her and was not happy, compared to everyone else who worked so hard, they did almost nothing and their son benefited just as much as the rest of us. Not that I begrudge Micah anything but they have money and a decent amount yet. They are both working and our church pays his wife to run the 11am service band….*something that was not passed through the church board council but that Doug decided*, plus his son gets free tuition at Capital University. Doug wasn’t giving the homily last night and hasn’t since Ash weds.

As to why I don’t leave my church, I’ve been going there for almost 21 years compared to his 8 and I don’t feel that because he is not a good pastor that i should be run out of my church and have to leave my church family. After losing Adam, I have realized that I treasure my relationships a lot more than I had ever realized and I can’t and won’t give them up because of him, he is not worthy of that. I’m hoping that once Micah graduates in two years that he will leave voluntarily, and I have prayed about this problem a bit and still feel that this is where the Lord wants me to be for the moment.

To complicate matters, Tommy’s cousin is the Lutheran Bishop in our synod, so I can’t even take it to the synod, ok, I guess I could but I know it will tear apart my church and it is not fair to ask Liz to be impartial. I do not for one minute believe that if she knew what goes on and how some of us feel that something wouldn’t be done. but it could make my life so much worse than it is now, that I try to leave it for God to handle.

Yet another complication is that Tommy is the morning custodian and I know that Doug would be vindictive and fire my husband if we leave or if I contact the synod office. So I’m in the proverbial rock and a hard place and it officially sucks!

My pastor is a bully and I’m one of the few that will stand up to him and that doesn’t go over well, but I have to live with my conscious and I won’t allow him to abuse me or anyone else if I can do something about it. There are some people who should never be in ministry and he is one of them.

So if you made it through this you are a great friend and if you didn’t you are still a great friend. Thanks for letting me vent, hopefully soon it will at least smooth over. * edit~ I do feel a bit better since I wrote this post so that is something 😉 and I’m planning on not going to church much this summer for obvious reasons.


4 thoughts on “Why I’m always in hot water with the Pastor~ edit

  1. Thanks, Deb….
    It is awful and I spent most of last night with tears in my eyes and people are noticing that I’m unhappy and asking what is wrong. Not many people know what he has done to me and I’m trying to keep it that way. But like all church families they are starting to sense something is up.

  2. Oh, this stinks so much. I am sorry that you are in this position. There is nothing worse than when Christians do not act like Christians. I will be praying that when his son graduates, that this pastor will be moving on. ((((hugs)))) to my friend!

    • it does but I guess, I will try to remember that he is human therefore not perfect, but it is so hard right now. Thanks, I do feel a bit better since I wrote it all out, so that is some consolation 😉 and I will take a long break this summer as well.

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