I know that I won’t get to post this tomorrow and I still can’t get the time right to have wordpress post it for me. So I’m combining Thankful Sunday and Reality Monday together today.
- Very thankful for the beautiful sunny warm, not hot weather we have had this last week.
- My children, while they need to improve in their work ethic, they have done better this week. Praying for a better week, this upcoming week.
- That we found a free year round swim team for the boys.
- That the kids were well behaved at the internment and lunch yesterday.
- That I made it through the first week of school
My reality for tomorrow is that I’m a bit sad, I’ve come to realize that even though I’m no longer abused that the effects of that can still be seen, sometimes unknown to us. I went for an eye exam for new glasses and during the dilation part of the exam the Dr. asked me if I had had any eye injuries, I tried to pary that one with: oh well, my daughter had scratched my cornea when she was a baby. No, she said this would have been a blow to the eye or two…..well then, yes an abusive mother and ex-husband had hit me in the eye. Why do you ask? Well it seems that you can lose pigment in the back of your eye and that only happens with eye injuries….i can’t tell you how sad I am to have some dr. I don’t know and had no intention of sharing anything that personal with; know that I’ve been abused. I have to wonder if that is why my right eye is so much weaker than my left eye. I didn’t ask because I was trying to absorb the whole incident. When you work so hard to forgive an abusive person and don’t have any sort of interaction with them, you tend to not place a lot of concern on past abuse. You are too busy struggling with the emotions of the abuse and still have to face them at times when you wish you didn’t. I think that you are still working on the forgiveness thing as well, when old memories pop up you must forgive all over again. Plus, once it has been so long you really don’t dwell on the abuse, you are trying to do something positive with your life and not repeat the cycle of abuse.
So life goes on and I’m sad once again for the little girl I was, and who I would have been if not so abused. At least two days later, my head is not hurting quite so bad and my eyes are not dilated anymore.