My reality today is that I”m terrified! Every year about this time, I start stressing out: can I do well in my classes? Can I continue to homeschool my kids while going to college? Can I keep my sanity and still try to be there for my husband, friends and church commitments? How on earth will I balance it all?
I know that the Lord will give me the energy to make it through, but I am human after all and suffer from fear. I know in my heart that the Lord wants us to continue to homeschool through highschool. I often question him on this and always get the answer back from my husband who is not aware of my fears that he wants us to continue. He was raised in this school district and did not get the help he needed with his learning disability. Another answer is that I’m especially driven this year to getting a good plan and schedule up for all of us. I’ve always had a laid back schooling mentality but this year, I’m needing/wanting/being guided into how a plan will benefit us so that I can continue to homeschool and get my degree. The old adage of “Fail to plan, plan to fail” keeps coming into my head.
Sometimes I wish I could take the easy route and send the kids to public schools but I”ve seen my older ones fail to graduate and get into bad relationships, and make horrid choices that will take a long time to rectify. So I know that taking the easy way out is not the answer for us. I’ve run into homeschoolers that give me the impression that they are homeschooling for the status of it. While at times, I’m struggling with why am I doing this? Homeschooling does not protect your kids from bad character issues either, it just means that we can work on changing them befor they become a very big problem. My sons have friends that are good kids but have traits that I’m not overly fond of and then I get the task of being the mean mom explaining why they can’t do what their friends do. Which also stresses me out.
I’m getting the feeling that this is going to be a make or break year for us. The boys are lazy learners and I’m not allowing that anymore so they are going to get more challenging schoolwork and have to spend more time learning. I can see huge battles already. I was going to put together a planner for the Ark this year but the task overwhelmed me, so I caved and bought him this, I need him to start taking responsibility for his schoolwork to a minor degree. He will have to write down his assignments that don’t get completed in my time frame and finish them before I come home or he won’t be allowed to play with his friends until he gets them done and in the winter, that will be hard on him. I did however plan out the younger ones schoolwork. I am going to print off checklists for them though, so that anything they don’t finish with me, means that it will be written down for the husband to oversee and checkoff, leaving me to double check it when i come home from UA. I can’t believe that I only have two more weeks off.
I still have to print out my resume, references and the application and write a cover letter for the internship I want to do next summer. Another stressful thing for me to attempt. No wonder I’m not sleeping well, lately. At least the Lord has my body responding to a schedule of waking up at 7am. I hope I can continue that…..especially since, I want the boys to get up at 6:50am M-F. We will do school on saturday but I will let them sleep in.
My stomach is hurting just thinking of it all, so this post is done, before I stress out even more.