You all know that almost 4 years ago, the Lord prodded *pushed* me into going back to school. He has worked out every snag so far and I’ve done very well. It hasn’t been easy but every time I’ve questioned whether or not I’m doing the right thing, the Lord has always sent someone to tell me something that just reinforces that I’m doing His will. The Lord has sent me the best professors to get me where I need to go, they have taught me, inspired me, built up my self esteem, guided me.
Last night I was at a party and saw my old psychology professor, and of course she drilled me giving me tons of info to think about, she has raised so many questions that now need answers, and decisions to be made. Should I go into Clinical Counseling or go with Counseling Psychology? No, I do not have the answers yet to this questions, but I know that I will be praying over them until I decide what to do about it.
My issues are that I’m afraid to make a decision and I’m afraid of failing. I also worry about how to balance raising children who need to be homeschooled while I’m working towards a grad degree. The Ark is going into 7th grade, Ace, 4th, the Princess/Artist is in 2nd and the Peanut going into K. Sending them to school is not an option, our public schools can not accommodate their special needs and I can’t afford a private school. So I need to find the energy to continue to do both, which frightens me to no end. I’m trying to give it to the Lord but that never has been easy for me, and I”m so stressed about the whole thing.
On a different note, I”m beyond stressed that my adult children sometimes just don’t think about the choices they make and then they want someone to fix it for them. I’m still angry at times at the ex husband who didn’t do his job as a parent, I’m angry at the court system here as well as DFCS, for leaving them with him, angry even more that he lied, manipulated and intimidated everyone to keep them and no one saw through him or cared enough to do anything about it.
All of this makes me very strict on some issues with the younger set of children, I do not want them making the same mistakes and I tend to be controlling at times. I feel like I’m forever on them for poor character qualities, I’m not but that is what it feels like. I get wonderful comments on their behavior when they are out, and people are always commenting on how great they are, so I know that they are learning how to be responsible adults but again this all weighs one me greatly.
So these are my current struggles along with the fact I have to call the Dean of Psychology and make an appointment to see if they will accept two or three of my psy. classes from the community college I went to. I made the appointment, pray for me, if I don’t have to repeat these classes, then I can take classes that I haven’t taken yet, decreasing my time working on my Bachelor’s. I need a vacation from my life.