This was a difficult year for us. As I sit here and ponder it, I realize that much of it is a blur of court hearings, stress, schooling of children and my own. Let’s see if I can find some bright spots somewhere in the chaos.
I would love to say my girls and I have grown closer and I think they might have but there is still so much more to do with them yet before I become that optimistic. The rest of the family has for the most part acclimated to having them here all the time as have I. Although it is nice at times when they spend overnights at a friends house at the same time and it is just the husband, our 4 and myself. It gives us time to regroup, in order to be fresh for helping them adjust.
I still find it hard to believe that the ex can’t hurt me right now. Hopefully soon.
Kendra went to Washington DC in the spring with her 8th grade class. She moved onto High School, was confirmed and went to Camp Mowana again. She is still going to church and helping out not as much as I want but some and I’ll take what I can get for now.
Jasmine is in the 11th grade, doing ok, again not as well as I want for her but better than I expected her to do. She is thinking about going to college to become a foreign lang. interpreter.I need to start getting details on that for her. Amazingly, she will soon be an adult and a senior, only needing 2 classes next year for graduation.
The Ark is starting to mature where his schoolwork is concerned and he is developing good work habits. He had a great year on Swim Team, although he complains that it was over so quickly. He has a few friends and is getting a bit more freedom as he shows us ho responsible he can be. He enjoyed going to Boo at the Zoo in Oct. and would like to go again next year. He said he had one of the best Christmases ever this year and I even overheard him talking to Ace about having a good time at his Godmother’s house on my birthday. He loves Russian Tea Cake cookies, legos and playmobil. I’m very proud of the young man he is becoming.
Ace is still one of my more difficult children, with his sensory perception disorder, life can be difficult for him. I do see light at the end of the tunnel though as he learns that schoolwork must be done and the faster he does it the more time he has for his interests. I was listening to Hold My Heart, by Tenth Avenue North and he heard it and said I love that song! Both boys have asked about the meaning of the song “Two Hands”, by Jars of Clay.
The Princess is still very much an artist and driving us insane, I’m hoping to get a bit organized and then have time to help her learn to focus that creativity. The husband often says that the Princess is who I would have been had my mother not abused me. I can see that so well in both of us. Her flightiness and my creativity that is buried deep.
The Peanut~ well he is definitely my most difficult child right now. He has two speeds sleep and 1,000 mph. He is very loving and determined still. He is better on the computer than my husband 😉 He is starting to want to learn things which is great but scary since I have so little time right now.
My personal highpoint? Continuing to get good grades and going to the Univ. of Akron in Jan. I’m a bit scared but so excited to realize that I’m that much closer to getting my bachelors degree, terrified about whether or not I will get into the grad program that I want. Many people have asked me over the last year how i stay sane in spite of my trials……it is because of my faith in God. and when that isn’t enough I depend on my friends to pray for me, then I spend lots of time singing, crying and praying. At the end of it I’m strong enough to face another day with grace and faith. We have now been in out house for just under 2 years and I’m still so grateful to the Lord for giving it to us. I love it here and for the first time since I was a child living with my grandmother have a home where I feel at home.My relationship with God is growing and changing but it is at times so elusive to try to put into words. I do know that I am becoming more of who the Lord wants me to be, which is throwing my husband into confusion since he is not at the same place in his faith.
Speaking of the husband, he is great. He loves me so much and tolerates a great deal of my intensity with a lot of patience. He is only working two jobs at the moment and that is hard on us financially but it is nice to have him home more and helping out. It also made it easier for me to schedule my classes for spring semester since he is home more.
I think I can sum up my year in songs:
Free to be me by Francesca Battistelli
Hold My Heart by Tenth avenue North
Give me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath
City on it’s Knees by Toby Mac
Two Hands by Jars of Clay
The Mission by Newsboys
and my current favorite: The Motions by Matthew West.
Check them out if you are so inclined, they have made the difference of being faithful and happy or sinking in my own self pity.
So this wasn’t really a recap of my year but random thoughts that have been running around my head.