Gift or curse?

At times the Lord places things upon my heart that I know will happen in the future. I never know exactly when, I just have a brief idea of time and I’m always sure that I am wrong. The very first time it happened was in the spring of 1987, a friend of mine and i had taken the kids downtown to walk around and we stopped to see my grandmother at work. As we were chatting, I stood there looking at my beloved Gram and knew deep within my soul that she would be dead within a couple of years no more than 3-5. I ignored it and promptly put it out of my mind as I didn’t even want to consider her dying and leaving me. She had raised me for the most part and I loved her, she was my best friend as well as my gram. She died quite suddenly one fall day after I had a dream that a friend of mine was trying to tell me something in the dream. Only I couldn’t hear her, I could only see her mouth moving. Then I woke up. I called my friend and told her about the weird dream, she asked me to describe her clothing in the dream so I did, much to her surprise, I had her dressed as she was in a nightmare of her own that night. She wouldn’t tell me what she had tried to tell me in the dream. She said that if I couldn’t hear her that I wasn’t supposed to know yet. It was only a few hours later that the phone rang with the news that my Gram was dead. I was initially angry that I hadn’t known and couldn’t call Gram to say goodbye, now I look on it as a blessing. Although I can say that the Lord did tell me, I just refused to listen.

The last two times I have seen my MIL, I have felt much the same way. Especially last week, She has lost a great deal of weight. I know that the end is coming, I give her 2 years if that. I will pray that I am wrong but my heart says that I”m not. So today I told my husband what I felt, and a bit of the story about my gram. He knows also. My heart aches for her. We have had our differences and she has said hurtful and hateful things to me that I have had a hard time forgiving her for. But with this feeling of her impending death I find it easy to forgive her. I hurt for my husband who loves his mom, my children who will not have a grandmother once she passes. I pray that we can stay out of the fighting over her money and belongings after she is gone. Her other children are selfish, hateful beings. The only good thing to come out of it will be not having to see them once she is gone.

They don’t like me and never have so the world will freeze over before they call us. I only hope that we get into a house and can have her over for dinner a few times before something happens. I am also hoping that I can get her to tape us some of her favorite memories of her childhood. Need to work on that one I suppose. I should get a photo of her with my husband for him as well as one of her and the kids. I started this a few days ago but it has taken me this long to get back to finish it and it still lies heavy on my heart.


5 thoughts on “Gift or curse?

  1. I think that it is a gift of God that He allows you a brief glimps of what is to be. I think if you use it as you have to help other adjust to what is coming and prepare them for it rather that use it for selfish gain you will do well.

    I am sorry that your hubby and children will have to suffer this loss. I’ll be praying that the relationships can be strengthened and repaired. This may be your opportunity to be a part of her coming to know the Lord.

  2. Hugs Michielle. My aunt had a family photo taken of my Mamma before she passed. No one realized that she was going to go so soon, but it was something my aunt wanted to do. We were so glad she did.

    I love your idea about taping her memories. That would be precious.

  3. I pray that you can get things done and that you can arrange these memories for your family.

    On the question, one suggestion, don’t work in a Nursing Home. Then it becomes a very hard thing to live with.

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