It has been a long week…..

I’m very tired, still not sleeping very well. It’s been such a long week…..we lost our newest cat for 3 days. Kids were heartbroken. But the husband came home and there was Ninja….making us very happy. We’re back to having problems with Kendra, I’m not a happy mom at all right now. Hoping she gets with the program again soon, but seriously doubt it, she is too influenced by her father who we all know is not honorable at all. The Lord is gracious though, he knew that I needed some encouragement and my dearest friend who is really an adopted sister found a dress for the Princess for xmas and bought it for her, as well as tights and shoes. So the Princess will be decked out beautifully for Christmas……I’m so grateful to “Auntie Katie” as the kids call her and the Lord for giving me the best sister in the world and providing an outfit, The Princess was so sad last night when I told the kids that we wouldn’t be able to do much celebrating for Christmas. She specifically mentioned a new dress….I tried to reassure them that it would be ok and that they know that the purpose of xmas is celebrating Christ’ birth, but to a 7 yr old, dresses are important, even to this 46 yr old mom. So when Katie texted me out of  the blue with a photo of a dress and asked what size to get. I was in tears, then I called her back and we talked for a bit before my class, I told her what was going on and it was nice to cry a bit and get some much needed love and support.  Katie will be up for Thanksgiving and bringing the dress with her to surprise the princess…..and we are supposed to do an advent reading, so she will get to wear it more than once, although that is not a problem, because of her scoliosis, she wears her dresses for a very long time.

We also sold the escort, we had but needed too many repairs so we sold it to someone who wanted it for hopefully enough money to put new tires on the van, which would be great before it gets to snowy here. I’m forever amazed at how the Lord provides for us. In the midst of my chaos, the Lord is reminding me that I’m not alone and that in spite of my “vast mistakes” as the new song by Tenth Avenue North says, He still loves me and is right there.

So tonight I will spend some time with my kids, and relax. Get up hopefully refreshed to do schoolwork and  do a great deal of studying over the next few days. Good Night All!!!!

Dots…….

• School with the kids is going ok, not quite how I want but good enough, although I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. The Ark actually is reading a book he loves…..The Bronze Bow and he is writing more and drawing….my son who hates all three of the aforementioned things.
• I found the table this afternoon….and did a bit of decorating for fall and halloween, the kids are so excited.
• Classes at UA are ok, I’m stressing about my Quant. Methods class, as I have a B currently and need to pull it up to an A if I can. so you might not see me much for awhile.
• There is much to do to get ready for winter but so little time and energy. The husband still needs to take the room AC out of the living room and put the storm window back in, need to close most of our storm windows to keep us a bit warmer, by Nov. I will be putting up plastic on the old windows, although it will be 5 less this year since we did replace some. Can’t wait until we can replace some more.
  
• Since it is October, we will have our rash of birthdays, two this week alone. I will post something about the birthday child on their birthdays if I can get a moment.
  

Ok, how about some photos?

The homecoming dress up…..

Kendra and her BFF, we had a great weekend and I got the pleasure of taking the girls shopping and then taking pictures of them and dropping them off at the dance. It was fun, but tiring. I feel sorry for her mom since she was home with a sick baby girl and couldnt’ have this opportunity.

Today I am Thankful For:

Being able to enjoy doing the Homecoming scene with the girls,

A husband who does the grocery shopping for me

A clean table so that tomorrow morning, school won’t be so difficult to get started

5 new windows, since it is getting cold here, they do seem to help keep us warm.

a slower paced week for me at the university.

my daughter Jasmine, who finally got her diploma and she got Ace a birthday present, she is a beautiful and caring young woman.

Much to be thankful for

A day late but not a dollar short:

• For my Pastor, he drives me crazy but always makes time for me and listens to my concerns
• Seeing my daughter and granddaughters yesterday, I’ve missed them since they moved 25 minutes away.
• Good sales at the grocery store, we have a menu plan until Thursday and food in the house.
• An ok, nights sleep, I don’t feel rested but was able to get up and start school with the older boys.
• For the exercise I’ve been getting walking around UA this fall, I’m going to be able to cancel my gym membership and save us $46. a month
• Happy that Monday night bible study starts up tonight, I’ve missed it, and I usually walk to it so I get another 1.8 miles of walking in.
• For good friends, I am blessed with them and pray that I”m a blessing to them.

Thankful Sunday and Reality Mondays….

I know that I won’t get to post this tomorrow and I still can’t get the time right to have wordpress post it for me. So I’m combining Thankful Sunday and Reality Monday together today.

• Very thankful for the beautiful sunny warm, not hot weather we have had this last week.
• My children, while they need to improve in their work ethic, they have done better this week. Praying for a better week, this upcoming week.
• That we found a free year round swim team for the boys.
• That the kids were well behaved at the internment and lunch yesterday.
  
• That I made it through the first week of school

My reality for tomorrow is that I’m a bit sad, I’ve come to realize that even though I’m no longer abused that the effects of that can still be seen, sometimes unknown to us. I went for an eye exam for new glasses and during the dilation part of the exam the Dr. asked me if I had had any eye injuries, I tried to pary that one with: oh well, my daughter had scratched my cornea when she was a baby. No, she said this would have been a blow to the eye or two…..well then, yes an abusive mother and ex-husband had hit me in the eye. Why do you ask? Well it seems that you can lose pigment in the back of your eye and that only happens with eye injuries….i can’t tell you how sad I am to have some dr. I don’t know and had no intention of sharing anything that personal with; know that I’ve been abused. I have to wonder if that is why my right eye is so much weaker than my left eye. I didn’t ask because I was trying to absorb the whole incident. When you work so hard to forgive an abusive person and don’t have any sort of interaction with them, you tend to not place a lot of concern on past abuse. You are too busy struggling with the emotions of the abuse and still have to face them at times when you wish you didn’t. I think that you are still working on the forgiveness thing as well, when old memories pop up you must forgive all over again. Plus, once it has been so long you really don’t dwell on the abuse, you are trying to do something positive with your life and not repeat the cycle of abuse.

So life goes on and I’m  sad once again for the little girl I was, and who I would have been if not so abused. At least two days later, my head is not hurting quite so bad and my eyes are not dilated anymore.

Thankful Sunday’s

• For having 2 room Air Conditioners to make these hot days bearable.
• My sons swim coaches, they worked so hard with the team this year. The Ark shaved off 20 seconds on his 100m freestyle event yesterday.
• Another swim team, mom who told me about a free year round swim team.
• The fact that I’m almost done planning the kids school year~ Thanks to Donna and her wonderful cd, and online resources.
• For my favorite contemporary Christian Artists, I thrive on contemporary Christian music.

Thankful Sunday’s

• For my husband….he works two jobs, and then helps out where ever he is needed.
• For the great swim instructors at our pool who don’t pass children to the next level unless they can do everything.
• For the money to pay the bills.
• For my children, they are both a trial and a joy.
• For my brain, it makes homeschooling so much easier with it working
• For my health,  even though I have fibromyalgia, I feel blessed not to have more serious health issues.

Thankful Sunday’s

• My house for all that it needs work, I love where I live.
• My daughters Renee and Kendra, who watched my children last night for us to go out as husband and wife alone.
• My dear friends, who support me and love me.
  
• My air conditioning in the van, I have to drop off Kendra at camp today and highway driving is so much better with air.
• My city pool, it is fun and a great family place to cool off on those hot summer days.
• Forgiveness, from the Lord and the ability to forgive others.
  

Thankful…..

Today I am Thankful for……

1. God
2. My husband
3. My younger sons and their friends….who helped us move 5 yards of dirt yesterday and today
4. My daughter’s boyfriend, who also helped us and is so good to us, it is like having another son.
   
5. The garden……we will have
6. The sunshine, hot temps and cool nights.
   
7. The return of some of my energy, I’ve gotten quite a bit done this weekend and I’m happy.
8. Homeopathic remedies for the sore muscles I have
9. Hot showers and good food.
   

Today I am Thankful For~

• Beautiful Sunshine
• My Children, while they drive me crazy, they do keep me young and make me smile.
• The trials that the Lord has allowed me to go through, they have made me a better person.
• My Profs at University of Akron~ they are pretty good.
• My house, two years later and I’m still very grateful to the Lord for providing it for us.
• Curried lentils and rice~ I was feeling run down but they seem to have given me a much needed ‘pick-me-up”

Gotta head out to church, have a great day!!!

Purpose

I have another diary that only a select few are allowed to read. I was however reminiscing and had gone back to the beginning of that diary and read the first couple of entries as well as the comments left to me. One of the comments left was that I had ‘purpose”.

So I’m thinking about what my purpose is and how did I get to where I am? Only the Lord knows what my true purpose is but for the time being it seems to be wife, mother, grandmother, college student, MOPS coordinator, Women of the Church leader, homeschool mom. As for the how did I get here it has been a long road. Some of it so incredibly painful I seldom talk about it and keep those feelings locked up deep inside of me not to be shared very often at all. Perhaps one day I will share more of them but my journey to where I am but right now it doesn’t seem to be important enough to share with anyone. I think sometimes that since the Lord knows who will choose to live for him that many times our lives purpose comes naturally. To me conflict comes when we fight what the Lord has planned for us. This certainly doesn’t mean that our purpose is easy. I’m learning the hard way that it is not. Nor does it mean that there aren’t challenges that will throw you for a loop and that you won’t be on your knees praying for help and guidance from the Lord. What it does mean is that your life no matter how mundane it seems to you will be filled with “Purpose”. I encourage you to read the “Purpose Filled Life”, I have read most of it but not all and won’t be getting to finish it anytime soon but it did help me realize that the Lord does indeed have a purpose for me and that it changes as time goes by. I won’t always be the mom of little ones needing so much love and guidance. I won’t always be a college student. I know that every thing I have gone through in my life is to prepare me for something greater than I have ever dreamed of. I am at times amazed at where the Lord is leading me and very often ask ‘why?’ and tell HIm most emphatically that I’m so not ready, I need a break, can’t it wait a bit longer?” But God never allows that. So I continue on to whatever my life’s purpose is to be. Very probably that PhD I’m hoping to have one day. The moral of the story? Is your life filled with purpose? Do people think that you have purpose? If not start asking the Lord what your purpose is and how to get there. You wont be sorry.