This song is me so very often, as soon as I get closer to the Lord, I get frightened and start pushing. I know that He will just wait for me to come back. It is hard when you feel so much love all at once when you’ve never experienced that in real life, not to push it away. In my heart lies the desire to do mission work when the Peanut goes to college. Only 13 more years…..I’m praying now for a way to fulfill that dream.
Many of you don’t know that I sit on the board of our Women of the Church. Yesterday was our west cluster meeting of all the churches in our area. I helped out with registration, ushered the Love offering, helped get the women in order for communion, helped served the food and clean up. While doing t he above activities, I listened in on the business part of yesterday’s meeting and was asked by MaryAnn if I would come on the board of the West Cluster. I thought about it, for less than 30 minutes and was bugged to give an answer. Since it will only require 4 meetings a year roughly, I will do it. As I was getting ready to leave the board meeting after lunch, another friend Marilyn, says to me, “You would make a great president of the west cluster”. Scary thought there, God is pushing me places that I don’t feel ready to go to yet. I would so like to just go to school and finish my degree before getting any more active in these things but once called, you just pray and find a way to do both. I’m beginning to wish the Lord didn’t trust me so much. I only know that he will see me through it.
I received this today in my email from one of my homeschooling yahoo groups. I thought it was so appropriate in light of my struggles with buying our house that I had to share. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and please pass it along or reread it on those really tough days. One thought I might add to this I’m going to put in red.
Ten Guidelines from God
Effective Immediately: Please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines:
1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can’t help you until you turn it over to Me. And al though My to-do-list is long, I am after all… God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.
3. TRUST ME:
Once you’ve given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don’t wake up one morning and say, “Well, I’m feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here.” Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It’s simple You gave Me your burdens and I’m taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don’t you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I’m in control. But there’s one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don’t forget to talk to Me – OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you can’t see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I’m doing. Trust Me; you wouldn’t want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven’t heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none. Don’t forget to share the many blessings and miracles that the Lord has worked in your life. We need to hear how He works so that we can renew our faith in God. Testimonies are a wondrous thing, benefiting not only the listener’s but you.
8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.
10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only — to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don’t ever forget……
Note: I received this from a friend and I have
no idea who wrote it, but I was so touched
by it, that I had to share it with you.
I hope that you will be blessed by
it and will share it with others.
Touch someone with your love.
Rather than focus upon the thorns of life,
smell the roses and count your blessings.
____________________________________________________
I’m so frustrated right now. Not only did we have to get the plumbing fixed but whoever did the gas line to the furnace and the water heater is a idiot or rather not very smart, perhaps not a professional. Why???? The idiot person used flexible line instead of the black iron pipe that one is supposed to use. Meanwhile, the selling realtor is jerking us around getting things done, it doesn’t look like we will close on time which was this Thursday and I’m boiling mad, we could have been done and signed but the selling realtor won’t let us use our contractor and get the work done. Then we called the management here and they want a whole months rent and will reimburse us months later after we leave for any unused days. Forget that I’m not paying it, hopefully by the time it is late we will be signed and moved. They have my deposit anyway. This is nothing but spiritual warfare now and I know how to deal with it, but it is not something I feel confident in doing. I guess though that I will have to, confident or not.
On a brighter note, I took my ethics test and got 47/50 so my A is still solid for the moment. I so dislike this class. Ok, well I think I dislike both of my classes this semester. Some of it I”m sure is the house stress but some of it is the classes themselves. My ethics class is very biased against anyone who is a christian. While my Art Appreciation class has tons of work and the prof. is very picky about what you write, but isn’t explicit before hand of what it is she is looking for. but perhaps that doesn’t matter as I’m getting A’s?
Tomorrow I’m going out by myself for a bit of time to try to remember how to breathe. I’m not sure where I’m going but away from home and the stress that is my life. Please pray that we get into our house soon and for my sanity.
Last Saturday had Noah and I at the church by 10am. for his first communion class. For the first 2 hours we learned all about the names for communion, what communion truly is, and gave some thought about what communion meant to us as individuals. Then the boys went out to the sanctuary to practice the mini play and practice the foot washing. Our Pastor does a foot washing for the communicants on Maundy Thursday, when they make their first communion. I love it and find it a great way to put the servitude of Jesus into reality for these children.
After that we all had lunch and then the boys got busy with making the bread that we would eat at their first communion.
adding in the flour
patting the bread into rounds to go into the oven.
Afterwards while the bread was in the oven baking, the boys made clay chalices.
Working hard 
The finished bread 
The finished chalices.
I just have to share that two years ago, when these same boys received their bibles, Pastor Doug said that he hoped we got some girls in their class. Well here we are two years later with only boys still. He again said he hoped we got some girls in the class. One of the mom’s and I are praying that it stays this way until after they are confirmed in 4 years. Confirmation will start in 3 years when they are in the seventh grade and end in the spring of eighth grade two years later. We will see what the Lord has planned.
Maybe tomorrow I will post pictures of the actual communion but I have to upload them and then crop out the other boys for safety reasons.
Since I know that you are all waiting with baited breath, I will spill the beans so to speak. A few weeks ago we got a letter from the IRS stating that we owed $9,000 because of our bankruptcy and the house that we signed over to the bank. Let me tell you I spent hours crying, I saw all of my dream crashing to the floor as well as the worry of how was I going to buy schoolbooks for next year for the kids? Not to mention our dream of getting into a house. Well, come monday I went off to my first day of pilates and the husband stayed home with the kids and called the IRS, he was on the phone for 45 minutes waiting for someone to help us. Finally, a nice woman came on the line and pulled up the info. asked the husband about *** previous bank. The husband told her that we had given the house back to the bank with our bankruptcy. She said, oh it was part of your bankruptcy? Yes. She says, ok, then you don’t owe us anything and will receive a letter stating so in about 4 weeks.. We got the letter in 2 weeks, thanking us for clearing up the problem and that we didn’t owe anything and the matter was closed. Praise the Lord.
Next is the child support issue, right after Thanksgiving I received a letter stating that I was being taken to court for child support for my 3 older children. I researched and even called the main child support helpline and was told that I would probably have to pay $200-300 a month, and that the judge could order me to go to work. Needless to say, I was a basketcase, and spent many hours praying that the Lord would help me get through this. I knew that I would have to pay but was praying that it would be something that by cutting our expenses, so I could continue to go to school and homeschool my little ones. Well, the Lord came through magnificently yet again. If you aren’t working here in Ohio, they base your income on what you would make if you were working minimum wage and then take any additional children you have. So my initial support order was for………. are you ready? $12.41 a month. I asked the judge if I could raise it to $25.00 a month. He looked at me surprised, and asked me if I wanted to raise it? Yes, I have never said that Mr. ***** didn’t deserve money for the children, I’m just in a bind with my fibromalgia right now and not being able to work with the little children. The child support lady, agreed to the $25. as well as my ex husband, who said he would take anything I would pay. So there is another miracle of God’s handiwork for you. I can’t tell you how relieved I am and how grateful to the Lord for seeing me through the last few weeks and the ex husband who graciously took what I could give.
The day before the court hearing, I just spent time praying asking the Lord to just see me through everything and make the support something I could pay, I pulled out my favorite bible verse~
So do not be afriad. I am with you. Do not be terrified. I am your God. I will make you strong and help you. My powerful right hand will take good care of you. I always do what is right. Isaiah 41:10
That verse has gotten me through a lot in the last 3 years. It is my strength. What I find totally incredible is that the husband had called about the house the day of the court hearing and there was no news. The very next morning after doing what I felt was the right thing about the child support, we get a phone call that the bank had accepted our bid on the house. We signed the initial paperwork to be faxed accepting the house. We have called the mortgage guy, our interest rate is a bit lower than when we preapproved, not much but everything helps, we also have a call into our insurance guy for a quote and have been told our car insurance will drop a bit because of having the house and car insured at the same place. We are only waiting for the underwriter of the bank who held the loan to approve our bid, hopefully that is just a formality since it was high enough for the bank who holds the loan. We haven’t heard that they haven’t and it has been 2 business days. So things are moving along. According to the paperwork we signed we take possession of the house Mar. 27, a bit later than I had hoped and I’m still hoping that we might get it a bit earlier.
So there you have the full version of my current testimony. Today while we were taking family pictures for our church directory, the photographer asked me ” how do you do it? You look so happy and your children are happy and well behaved. ” My reply? Faith, I couldn’t do it without the Lord, He gets me through the bad stuff. Truly he does, now I just need to get through this semester with an A in my ethics and art appreciation.
God bless and remember, God does listen to us as well as answers prayers.
Yes, I believe that all christians are called to witness to the unbelievers. However the way that we choose to do so, is just as important as the witnessing itself. I bring this up because today, I was put on the spot by a former christian who seems from the questions he has asked to be wavering in his beliefs that have taken him on a path away from the Lord. So I tried to word my answers in a way that would leave no doubt that I belive that God is in supreme control and that He is a very loving God while trying to give the young man respect for his reasons of disbelief.
I wonder if so many christians get a bad reputation because of their pushiness that they are right and non believers are wrong? If because we as christians tend to not realize that we are judging others by saying that they are going to hell, when that is better left to the Lord to decide? Another reason for this reputation? Do we not listen to non christians beliefs? and then make them angrier hence giving them even more reason to turn away from what they perceive as an unjust God?
As I struggled with my words today, I realized that more than likely we christians do act judgementally and perhaps a bit superior to non christians, afterall we know that we are going to heaven because we believe. Do we have that right? No, we don’t we are called to wittness, love and serve others but if we treat others disrepectfully and drive them further away from the Lord, we have not done our job at all.
As I left that young man to go home to my husband and children, I vented a bit to the Lord about how much I hated witnessing and how inept I am at it, not to mention how I have never wanted to have to do it so actively. Now hours later I realized that maybe because of the fact that I would rather model christianity instead of preach it, perhaps the Lord could use me to witness. That perhaps, I am more believable than others that young man has come in contact with because of my faith, and my desire to first be respectful of others feelings.
One of the things I stressed to this young man was that I truly believe the the Lord puts people into our path that will lead us back to him, and that we have until the day we die to reconcile ourselves to God’s deep abiding love for us. I also stressed that we are everyone of us in the place and time that we should be for where we are in our faith journey.
You know that one of the blessings of witnessing is that it reaffirms your own faith in the Lord. By having to explain how you know the God works in your life to others only strengthens the bond between you and Him. Perhaps it is a backhanded way of praising God for coming in and saving you from your life going down a path of destruction.
Ultimately, I would remind you that when witnessing, to always be respectful of where others are in their journey so that you don’t end up being a tool to divide them from God and remember that it is about giving God the glory not, claiming it for yourself for helping someone see that they need to be saved by grace.
That I might have a few minutes to write a ‘real’ post? Yes, it is 
After working most of the day on my linear perspective drawing, I’m almost caught up in art. I have read this weeks chapter on Drugs. I worked on Camryn’s Noah’s Ark Lapbook. I just need to put that stuff away and then I can get things out for school in the morning. I plan on being in bed before the husband leaves at 9:30pm. I’m really tired. This week is already looking as busy as the last two *sigh*. I long for a day with nothing to do or worry about getting done. I want to do Thanksgiving Lapbooks with the kids for school this year. I plan on working on them next week and the week of Thanksgiving. Trying to co-ordinate 3 lapbooks with 3 different ages is challenging, at its best and a disaster at its worse.
We are doing Thanksgiving dinner here with just the husband, little ones and whoever of the older kids stops by. Thanking the Lord, that I don’t have to deal with the inlaws this year and that I have a reason to not go that isn’t related to my being hateful. The husband will have to work that night so, that means he has to be in bed by 5 pm not conducive to eating with the relatives who eat dinner at 6 pm. Why they eat so late is beyond me. I have always had dinner at 2pm, which is the plan this year as well. The only downside of us eating alone is that I will have a bit too much time to miss my grandmother. She has been gone for 17 years, but I still miss her as much as the day she died. She was my best friend. She taught me to love unconditionally, a priceless gift, along with the ability to forgive. Although that takes me a bit of time in some cases. She loved my kids, all of them not just some of them. She would so love my little ones. As well as the husband. In my heart I know she would be proud of my finally going back to school and getting A’s. As well as the fact I left an abusive relationship. Even if she wasn’t sure about my homeschooling the kids she would be there to support me. Something that my mother has never been able to do. When I think about the two women in my life, I’m incredibly grateful for the Lord having my grandmother do most of the raising of me. My mother is a smart woman, however, she never learned the simple things in life. Material things mean more to her. I learned long ago that you can’t replace peace and God’s love for things that you can buy. It is hard for me to trust in the Lord to supply our needs but I’m getting better at it every day. I wish my mother had learned this. I know even if I can’t prove it that my mother has a borderline personality disorder. It makes me sad but again so grateful that my gram was there for me.
I once expressed how I was afraid of ending up like my mother to a couple of close friends, their responses were very quick and straight from God’s mouth~ ‘You at your worst could never be like her’, and ‘You don’t have to worry, you are nothing like her, because of God being there to take care of you.’ Yes, I’m very loved by the Lord. I just wish that my mother and older children knew what I know in my heart ~ that the Lord does forgive us for our sins, and that He loves us and provides for us. It only takes trusting in Him.
So this real entry ended up being a mish mash of thoughts, college, homeschooling, memories, and reflections of my mother and my faith. Hmmm, not sure where this well came springing from. Must be the approach of the holiday’s as well as missing my Gram. See what happens when I have time to write? You get things that maybe you didn’t really want to read.
I wish I felt like writing a real entry but I’m settling for bullets again.
Ok, I’m outta here as I have to get things done.
I had the chance to share just a bit of my testimony with someone new. I was interviewing a wonderful lady for the MOPS mentor mom position. We chatted about MOPS, a bit about her and then I dropped the bombshell of the fact that even though I only have a 2 yr old that after this year I would be leaving. I explained that the Lord was leading me elsewhere~ I told her about my struggles with going back to school for massotherapy and how the Lord led me back to Art Therapy Counseling. I shared just how the Lord helped me get past that first hurdle of walking into the college by placing my friend Rick there in that hallway. She was in awe and said that I had a wonderful testimony, it was so nice to hear that. I told her one day I would share the rest of my story with her. I so hope that she climbs on board with us. I feel as if she would be perfect for me to work with and grow in the Lord with.
I also need to decide what to do about bible study, take time out of my busy school day and go to my church or look into the bible study the first woman I interviewed for the mentor mom is going to be leading. I will wait and see how the Lord leads me. Ihope he tells me soon though as I’m not very good about being patient. *I’m not asking to learn either*, I would rather have more wisdom,
