Is it possible????

That I might have a few minutes to write a ‘real’ post? Yes, it is After working most of the day on my linear perspective drawing, I’m almost caught up in art. I have read this weeks chapter on Drugs. I worked on Camryn’s Noah’s Ark Lapbook. I just need to put that stuff away and then I can get things out for school in the morning. I plan on being in bed before the husband leaves at 9:30pm. I’m really tired. This week is already looking as busy as the last two *sigh*. I long for a day with nothing to do or worry about getting done. I want to do Thanksgiving Lapbooks with the kids for school this year. I plan on working on them next week and the week of Thanksgiving. Trying to co-ordinate 3 lapbooks with 3 different ages is challenging, at its best and a disaster at its worse.

We are doing Thanksgiving dinner here with just the husband, little ones and whoever of the older kids stops by. Thanking the Lord, that I don’t have to deal with the inlaws this year and that I have a reason to not go that isn’t related to my being hateful. The husband will have to work that night so, that means he has to be in bed by 5 pm not conducive to eating with the relatives who eat dinner at 6 pm. Why they eat so late is beyond me. I have always had dinner at 2pm, which is the plan this year as well. The only downside of us eating alone is that I will have a bit too much time to miss my grandmother. She has been gone for 17 years, but I still miss her as much as the day she died. She was my best friend. She taught me to love unconditionally, a priceless gift, along with the ability to forgive. Although that takes me a bit of time in some cases. She loved my kids, all of them not just some of them. She would so love my little ones. As well as the husband. In my heart I know she would be proud of my finally going back to school and getting A’s. As well as the fact I left an abusive relationship. Even if she wasn’t sure about my homeschooling the kids she would be there to support me. Something that my mother has never been able to do. When I think about the two women in my life, I’m incredibly grateful for the Lord having my grandmother do most of the raising of me. My mother is a smart woman, however, she never learned the simple things in life. Material things mean more to her. I learned long ago that you can’t replace peace and God’s love for things that you can buy. It is hard for me to trust in the Lord to supply our needs but I’m getting better at it every day. I wish my mother had learned this. I know even if I can’t prove it that my mother has a borderline personality disorder. It makes me sad but again so grateful that my gram was there for me.

I once expressed how I was afraid of ending up like my mother to a couple of close friends, their responses were very quick and straight from God’s mouth~ ‘You at your worst could never be like her’, and ‘You don’t have to worry, you are nothing like her, because of God being there to take care of you.’ Yes, I’m very loved by the Lord.  I just wish that my mother and older children knew what I know in my heart ~ that the Lord does forgive us for our sins, and that He loves us and provides for us. It only  takes trusting in Him.

So this real entry ended up being a mish mash of thoughts, college, homeschooling, memories, and reflections of my mother and my faith. Hmmm, not sure where this well came springing from. Must be the approach of the holiday’s as well as missing my Gram. See what happens when I have time to  write? You get things that maybe you didn’t really want to read.

Do I really?

Have 11 children? someone asked me that an it made me laugh, I guess, it never seems strange to me to have so many children because they are mine. I will admit to loving the surprised looks on peoples faces as I tell them that I really do have 11 children. I’m soon to be 44 and my youngest will only be 2.5 yrs. old. The top rude questions? Are they yours? did you birth them all? As in out of your body? No, I”m not joking either. most of the time I don’t get offended, however it is hard to deal with the “I couldn’t do that statements.” You do what you have to do, most of the time it is something you dont’ think you can do but you find out that you better or life will be very bad. I’m so not superwoman material, but I have a strong survival trait and perhaps that is all that is necessary when raising kids.

Can it be possible that, that particular trait is what will get me through school to my Phd. in counseling? I’m guessing that it will. I know it is years away but I want to be called “Dr. Rose”

So is it a blessing or curse to have so many children? I would say a blessing as it has given me something I might not have had before~ stubbornness, persistence as well as patience.

I might add that I couldn’t do any of this without a strong belief in God .

life….

I wish I felt like writing a real entry but I’m settling for bullets again.

1. I have to prepare for a debate on reverse discrimination for tuesday’s social problems class.
   
2. Getting done with another article analysis for soc.
3. Working on my landscape,
   
4. I took Noah to open swim today to celebrate his birthday.
5. My swimming is improving slowly
6. I love to listen to The Fish while i”m working on the computer. It is our contemporary christian music station.
7. In only a week and a half , I will have to look at registering for spring semester.
8. I’ve been kind of introspective lately about God and Jesus, interesting thoughts there but they are fleeting and I never remember them for long. Sometimes, I dream them, leaving me with a vague feeling of peace but not real thoughts or images.
9. The husband is on vacation next week and I’m happy so that I can catch up with everything and maybe workout out at the fitness center at the college.
10. Next friday and saturday, I will be at the Northeastern Ohio Synodical Women’s Organization Convention as a delegate. Serving on the conduct of elections committee, Team 1.
11. I need to work on the mil’s shawl for christmas, it is coming along nicely,
12. The husband is working the church on sunday, I will be volunteering in the nursery. Kendra and Noah will have to go to church and sit there alone, so that Kendra can take sermon notes. *Pastor Doug is a tough taskmaster* so glad I’m an adult.

Ok, I’m outta here as I have to get things done.

trust

tonight while visiting with my dear friend Colleen my neighbor across the hall came over and needed to talk to me. She shared that her ex husband is bi polar and in the manic stage. She wanted me to know so that if he shows up here I will call 911 for her. I gave her some advice hopefully she will take it. Unfortunately, I know more than I would like to about domestic violence. She is a very nice lady but I didn’t realize that she trusted me so much. I’m honored to know that but sad at the same time that she would have to share something so personal in fear. My heart cries for her, i remember just how terrified I was when dealing with my ex husband both during and after the divorce. 

On a side note, she is just another reminder of why the Lord has laid it on my heart to go back to school. i both love it and hate it. *I’m so human*, I love the learning, i know that this is what the Lord wants me to do, but it is so hard and I miss being a stay at home mom. It is hard to balance homeschooling, parenting so many children and being a college student. I want to do a bible study but  am worried about the time commitment.  

thoughts

My mil and I were talking about violence in our society and I remembered watching this video last semester in sociology. This is only a short clip but it is eye opening. If you ever have a chance to get ahold of it and watch it, I highly recommend it. The Dalai Lama is bringing out a new book soon entitled War is Old Fashioned. ( or something close to it. )I would like to read it, to me war is the epitome of violence and then is the utmost in glorifying it. I guess you can tell by this entry I don’t believe in the war in iraq. I’m sure that this will cause me some flack but that is ok, I can handle it. To me violence is violence and I’m not sure that just because some one feels as if they have a reason if that is good enough to glorify it. Personally, I wonder if we have made any changes in the people over there? Are the women and girls treated better? Or once we leave will things go back to the way they were? Will they ever truly be democratic in their politics? Or is this all for show? I don’t know the answers to these things, but my heart says that this is part of the Lord’s plan of the beginning of the end of time. Which brings us that much closer to meeting our savior.